Oh, my heart...

I have come to the realization that when children grow up and move on, it's almost like a second birth; it feels as though that my doctor is cutting the umbilical cord... again.

I have tried all day to be strong; even until the end, I didn't cry. I didn't think I had anything left in me. I didn't want him to see me all messed up, and I didn't want Brandon to see me like that, either. It was very hard to watch Brandon get emotional. I knew he loved Aaron, even though they often irritate each other to the point that they can't stand each other. They have been buds for a long time now, and they have come to rely on each other.

Now, it's as though I just can't turn this ache off. Last night was tough. I stayed up to watch Forrest Gump with Aaron; just like old times, he layed in front of me, so I could rub his back. It was so sweet... but afterwards, I couldn't drift off to sleep because the tears just wouldn't stop. It's been a long day, it seems.

I didn't think his moving on was going to be so hard. I am going to continue to pray that tomorrow will be easier.

SONG ON MY MIND: There are so many songs that remind me of Aaron. We enjoy so many songs together only because he knows that what he enjoys I probably will enjoy, too. He knows me too well! DC Talk is just one of those groups that we ended up both being passionate about, and if it wasn't for him, I might not have loved them as much as I do now. We have listened to this song thousands of times, and for some reason, this is just one of those songs I wanted to hear tonight.

FEARLESS - DC Talk

Haunted by a jaded past
Never thought that love could last
Hope was but a castaway at sea

Skepticism took it’s toll
Closed the windows to my soul
Was fighting just to keep my sanity

When out of the noise I could hear You breathing
You came along knowing just what I needed
Turned me around, and You got me believing
You would die for me...

(chorus)
Now I’m fearless... with nothing left to hide
All the doubts of yesterday, love has driven them away
And now I’m fearless... when I am by Your side
It’s forever me and You in this covenant of truth
You know I’m fearless... oh, yeah

Patiently You stripped away
The walls of pride that I had raised
You revealed the child inside of me

We will run and not grow old
Soar on wings as I’ve been told
Together we will fly the heavenlies

Cause out of the noise I could hear You breathing
You came along knowing just what I needed
Turned me around, and You got me believing
I would die for You

Some of us leave the vine
Some of us fall in line
All of us have a friend in Jesus
Some of us live in fear
Some of us persevere
Knowing that You are near me, I am fearless...