I just finished the transcript of a radio program from
familylife.com regarding a father's advice to singles, which would be: What are you waiting for? Get married!
I read this transcript because my good friend,
Sister Michelle, questioned in her blog why so many Christians delay marriage or continue to stay single. You can read her blog about delaying marriage
HERE.
Because I got married at the age of 19, had delivered 2 children by the age of 22, and then was a divorced, working mother by the age of 25, I will give my perspective to why I think people choose to stay single and when I think is a good time for young folks to marry.
First of all, in this day and age, I don't think many men
want the responsibilities of being a father and husband anymore. They also want to play on their own terms. Why would a man want to be a responsible husband and hands-on father when they have girlfriends here and there who are willing to have sex? Many liberated woman act like they don't need husbands anymore either and can easily play the role of mother/father. I know we are talking about Christian men here, but I know many "Christian" men like I know a lot of "Christian" women who fit this description.
Now for the Christian men who remain chaste yet they want to remain single, I really do believe that many are just afraid to go to that next step searching for a good woman, and here are some of my thoughts:
What makes me sad is that on both sides, if you don't get what you want, the easiest remedy is to get a divorce. *sheepishly raising hand* I am guilty as charged. I tried hard, yet I didn't get my results of a responsible husband/father, so I bailed. I know... shame on me. I wish I was stronger, more mature, and had the patience of
Job.
Which gets me to the next question. What is a good age to get married? I thought I was pretty smart at the age of 19, and I thought I could get married, have children and not fail. I thought I had all the answers. (ha!) I am glad I got married and had children earlier rather than later, because it took every ounce of energy and drive to keep everything going between the two
and work outside the home. Here at the age of 41... I really don't know if I have the energy to keep that balance going.
By the time I was 25, I was divorced, tired, confused, overworked, overwhelmed, and crying all the time when the boys were asleep. I painfully acknowledged that I didn't know anything, and I failed miserably as a wife and mother. I understood how hard it was to be a parent, and I had a new-found appreciation for my parents (who were also divorced, sick and overwhelmed) To me then, there were no good guidebooks on how to be that good wife/mother. (Saying all this now, I could just kick myself, because I could have faithfully read the Bible to get all the answers. I had at least 2 of them in the house, but I wasn't truly faithful as I needed to be, which makes me sad)
Where I was going with this is... no age is a really good age. I think maturity is the answer. I
thought I was mature at the age of 19, but looking back, I really wasn't. At the age of 19,
Sister Lydia is
WAY more mature and knowledgeable than I was at that time.
In a big way, if a young woman or man is mature for the responsibilities of marriage and being a mother/father, I do think that they should marry early rather than later (I'm hesitant to say, however, from the age 17 and younger) I believe this primarily because I read the chances of women getting pregnant prior to turning 35 decreases dramatically with each year due to the age of their eggs, to hormone levels, or other health issues.
This, I realize, doesn't help a young man want to marry earlier, but it's very important to a woman, especially if she has dreams of being a mother. This will help him, however, from straying sexually.
I also believe Dr. Al Mohler has many good points, especially when it comes to getting set in your ways. Learning to work with a spouse and the demands of raising a family really takes the focus off of "you". That is a good thing.
SONG ON MY MIND: I just thought of this song while I was thinking about this topic. I guess the focus needs to be on finding a good mate; the more important issue, however, is our relationship with GOD.
I BELIEVE - DCTalkI see the moon, a million stars are out tonight
Gentle reminders of the way... You are
A sea of glass, a raging storm has come to pass
You show Your face in an array... of ways
My feet may venture to the ground
But You will never let me down
I can't hold it in...
My soul is screaming
(chorus)
Hey you, I'm into JESUS
Hey you, I'm into JESUS, oh yeah
Hey you, I'm into JESUS
Hey you, I've seen the Truth... and I believe
I know You're there...
I feel Your love through my despair
You speak the words that ease away... the pain
My heart is free, my eyes are clear
My soul is healed...
Now that You have got a hold on me
I still believe, I still believe
Hey you, this kid is back
And I do declare that the sun is shinning
Hey you, this kid is back
With a red alert, and it might be blinding
One time, one time JESUS bled
On the third day He rose again
Can I get a witness for the things He did?
One time, one time JESUS bled
But then He rose again